Resistance from family--Suggestions?

Resistance from family--Suggestions?
After reading Fascinating Womanhood I became interested in dressing in a feminine manner. And after finding and reading Dressing with Dignity just days later I felt urged to dress more modestly. And research online and prayer consideration has convicted me to strive to do both. However I am receiving some resistance. My husband is OK with it, but when he sees me struggling to find clothes and getting used to them he pities me and says its OK to not make the switch, that he doesn't believe I look comfortable, that it's such an effort, etc. Some relatives just look at me like I'm crazy and ask why I'm so "dressed up." But my mom is the hardest for me. I love her, and I know she loves the Lord. We're Catholic and she knows more church history and documents than any other non-clergy I think I've ever met. Yet she is a child of the 60's and 70's. She cringes at me making the switch, especially with details like skirts or dresses below the knee. I can be a bit flighty in my decisions, so I think some feel this won't last or if they make comments they can make sure it won't. And I certainly didn't help matters. Before I finished Fascinating Womanhood and all the reasoning behind dressing femininely (also before reading Dressing with Dignity) I made comments to a few relatives that I could not imagine making such a switch, at least not dressing in such a way all day every day. As I said though, by the end of my reading, research, and prayer, I was convicted to strive for that. :oops: Talk about foot in mouth. OK, so surely others have had to deal with resistance from relatives. Suggestions? For now to passing comments I just reply that I'm not really "dressed up" and I'm quite comfortable, and make sure that my comfort is shone in my countenance. With my mom though I've done my best to explain, and last time when I couldn't ignore the sad look on her face I offered to her that as a long-time tomboy that even if I am going overboard in her eyes it might at least help me find a balanced amount of femininity.

Oh, no! Cyber space ate my post! I guess I'll just have to try again. Basicaly, they do eventualy get use to it. I've been transitioning for about 4 years now. Hubby loves the new look and have just come to expect it from me. The first time I showed up for a hiking trip in a skirt my mom though I was nuts! Now she likes the challenge of finding dresses at the thrift store that suit my tastes and convictions. Also, you refered to yourself as "a long time tomboy." If you have no objections to split skirts or coulottes, Lillies sells some great ones www.lilliesapparel.com There stuff is a little spendy, but the quality is excellent. I bought 2 dresses this spring and have worn them each atleast twice a week....they still look new. The coulottes are not faring so well, but that is because they have seen some hard work. Blessings, Trina

Thanks Trina. Patience, and perseverence, eh? I guess I should have known that. I guess this is not much different from what I went through with many of the same people when we finally became a truly tithing family years ago. I guess dress feel so much more personal than finances, so it strikes at my heart more. I haven't tried on coulottes since I was about 13; guess it's time to try again. :) Thanks too for mentioning how long you've been "transitioning". Seems some folks manage the switch overnight. StillLearning

I started wearing only dresses/skirts at the same time I started wearing a headcovering, abt. 5 years ago. All my family thought I had gone off the deep end. And some even thought I had joined a cult! I also stopped wearing make-up (which was just not understandable to them) and I began to stay home for good. Needless to say, many changes at once (or at least it seemed to them). All of my family live far away, so they only knew what I was telling them. Once my mother came and stayed with us a few times, she became very supportive and can see that what we are doing as a family is of God. She even supports us homeschooling (she's been a public teacher for over 25 years!)! That in itself was an act of God. My father, on the other hand, doesn't support us at all and still thinks that we have gone off the deep end. Granted, we have spent a total of 5 days with my father and his wife in the last 5 years. So my mother has the advantage and has seen us live ~ when you are at someone else's house, you don't really live like you do when you are home. My husbands family lives here and was "with us" through the change, so they are supportive of us. While they are just as opionionated as my family, they are much better at keeping them to themselves, unless asked. One thing the I have come to understand is that sometimes family members, esp. our parents, act negatively toward these changes that we make because they might percieve it as "what we did was not good enough for you". At least in my own situation, these things were taken as a slap in the face (esp. by my father) and told them loud and clear that how I was raised is not good enough for my children and so we are doing things much differently. These are their words, of course. That is not the reason we do what we do and dress the way we dress. And there are those in our familes who perhaps are convicted by someting we do, and they don't like it. So they belittle or explain away our convictions to make them feel better. Unfortunatly, there is no easy answer. And the saddest part is, is that sometimes our fiercest persecution comes from those we love the most. And that hurts more then anything a stranger could/would say. Keep doing what you are doing and keep striving to live a life that is pleasing to God. What a joy it will be to hear one day "Well done, my good and faithful servent". In Him, Jennifer

I'm sure you are right Jennifer. I do think that sometimes my mom especially takes the changes I'm making as a judgement and rejection of the way she taught us to live, when it it is really more a tweaking or taking concepts to the next level. Sometimes when I'm sharing with her something I'm excited about having learned and trying to digest and apply, I catch myself because I can hear how she might take it the wrong way. For example, as a self-proclaimed tomboy during my childhood and early adulthood I know I was not receptive to all the homemaking lessons she tried to pass on; so now they seem so new and exciting, and I devour them. So I think she takes it as her having been a failure.

dear stilllearning, I have had a lot of resistence to my wearing skirs and dresses as well. It has helped when I share an article on modesty from the website "ladies against feminism" with my Mom or MIL. Sometimes they like us have never really thought about it because they are products of the current culture. If we share some of the backround of our change they can see the truth in it. Both of them have not given up pants but over the years my Mom has gotten more and more skirts and wears them more. She also tries to find more feminine styles. One thing you can always get people to agree with is that the current trend is much too sleezy and that women should dress with more dignity and honor.( I just love those words) They really sum it up for me. I usually look at an outfit or certain skirt or top and think.. is it dignified? Does it look honorable? Could I wear this in the courts of Heaven? Would I feel ashamed? Or would I feel that I was reflecting who God has made me. I must admit that I am often tempted by other Christian women that dress stylish and trendy (ie..pants, cute tops ect.) It is also hard to go it alone and not have others dressing the way you do. To take a stand and hold fast. But in the end.. I know it is helping other women to see me wear modest feminine dress. Just as others can discourage me.. I know I might be an encouragement to others... including my family. So stand strong.. you will be a blessing to your family and your husband. He will grow to appreciate your femininity. My husband sure has.. he loves the way I dress now. It took a good 3-4 years to get used to it. but now we would not change a thing. :-) Oh.. also.. it does take some time figuring out what to wear and where to get it. I started with jean and rayon skirts so I could use the tops and sweaters I had. I usually get them at the thrift store. I order tights online and am warmer than when I wore pants. :-) It does take some time.. but it is worth the effort! Be encouraged sister. You are on the right path. :-) If you have not been here.. it is a great site. I love the articles on modest dress.. they really gave me the encouragment I needed to make the change. Especially the article "How Do We Want Posterity to Remember Us?" http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/artman/publish/

Thanks for your post Juliet. Considering I only started transitioning this summer, I am always encouraged by those who say the transition or at least getting used to it took time. As the weather has chilled off I have struggled with the wardrobe anew. Where do you order tights online from? If memory serves it was the LAF website that led me here (and the book Dressing with Dignity that lead me to the LAF website). I don't think I've read that particular article though, so thank you very much. Some family members have stopped making comments or asking questions. My mom is slowly adjusting too. On our last trip there she told me that when she she first saw a certain skirt on the hanger she thought it quite plain and unattractive but that on me with the top I chose it looked very nice. I was glad that she had not made comment to me until she liked it. Of course it is God’s approval that matters, and of course my husband’s as head of our household, but her words felt good just the same. Just as persecution from loved ones hurts more than from a stranger, often their support feels more exceptional too.

Hi Stilllearning, I get my tights at http://www.tictactoe.net/prod_display/product_details.php?category=girls&sub_category=Tights&product_id=150#. The only thing is that they are girls tights as I can wear the 14/16. I would highly recommend them for girls or small women as they are warm and durable. I am going to do a search for some for my sister in misses sizes. I will post that when I find some. I think they are really important for warmth. The other thing I do is put on a second pair with the feet cut off and pull them up to just below my knees. That gives me extra warmth if I know I will be out in the cold. I think fitted leggings would work great too. I also wear turtlenecks and sweaters with a denim or twill a-line type skirt. I get Clark shoes at a discount store as they are comfortable and look good with tights and skirts and last. I think clogs would look good too. I go for a classic llbean look. It is not the beautiful feminine dress that I would love to figure out how to design and wear but it works for now!!! :-)

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